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There are two sides to every story. The first half, is what it's like to be a Dairy Queen! The second half is about what it's like to give your baby someone else's breastmilk!
Yep, I share my breastmilk.
I will never
forget those first tentative thoughts I had about asking Karianna if she wanted
my milk if breastfeeding didn't work out for her. We had talked about her
worries that, like her Mom and sister, she would be unable to supply her baby
with enough milk. I was really hoping that breastfeeding would work out for
her. But I also knew I would make more than enough milk to feed both our babies
if it didn't.
I didn't want her
to think I was weird. I mean, it's not exactly common practice to share breastmilk
any more unless it's from a reputable source, like a milk bank or hospital, and
I am the first to admit there is a good reason for that. Breastmilk is,
after all, a bodily fluid.
When I finally,
very casually, offered Karianna my extra milk during one of our many
breastfeeding discussions, I was relieved when she was not only totally cool
about it, but actually accepted.
When my first son
was born, my milk came in within hours. I woke up soaked and honestly, I hadn't
expected it. I knew that I would get engorged, would probably leak some, but
this! It was outrageous how much milk I had literally streaming from my chest.
My prolific milk
production didn't let up. While most women will experience a few weeks or
even a few months of engorgement, I experienced engorgement constantly for a
year. I made so much milk with my son that we were battling fore
milk/hind milk imbalances due to massive oversupply. I had to pump several
times a day in addition to feeding him to keep myself comfortable. I changed
disposable pads multiple times a day for six months, and no amount of cold
showers or cabbage leaves helped dry up my supply even a little. I was
just a milk machine, and I hated it.
Oh, I loved
breastfeeding my son. But the months of constant discomfort, the absolute need
to pump at 3 a.m. so I could sleep and leaking, always, made the experience of
producing so much milk frustrating and inconvenient for me. I did manage
to find someone to donate the first three months of extra supply I had, (over a
thousand ounces of breast milk by three months postpartum) after that I had to
dump what I pumped because I couldn't find anyone else to donate to and no
hospitals near me took milk at the time.
It wasn't until
my son was ten months old that I could finally put my pump away. While I still
dealt with oversupply and engorgement, I could manage without the constant
pumping in addition to nursing. Through my experience with my son, I knew when
I got pregnant with my daughter, what I was facing when my milk came in.
While I initially offered to share my
milk because, why not spread the wealth, I had no idea what a blessing it would
be for me. My relationship with Karianna has strengthened to a life-long
sisterhood. We were close before the girls were born, and certainly being
pregnant together was a uniquely bonding experience. But feeding her baby has
brought my love for her and her sweet daughter to a whole new level. I
can't explain it, after all it's only food, but I love Karianna's daughter as
if she were my own. While my relationship with baby E is like that of a loved
aunt, for me, I would do anything for her, the same as my own children, and I
feel like I was blessed with two baby girls.
This experience has also given me a profound sense of gratitude for these breasts of mine. I
was in awe of Karianna as she worked for six weeks to build a supply. I ached
for her frustration, and celebrated her small successes, and cheered her on as
she laboriously pushed her way to her six week breastfeeding goal. I had never
had to work that hard! While Karianna spent an hour with baby E working
to nurse out every ounce only to then have to give her a bottle, I could nurse
my baby to a full, sleepy state in less than ten minutes. Karianna would
double pump for twenty minutes and get a couple ounces total, while I could pump two
full bottles during a commercial break. Karianna took special pills, changed her
diet, and monitored her liquid intake to help up her production; I did nothing
different. The stark contrast between her struggle to make milk for her baby and the effortless ease for me, made me so grateful for my breasts! With my son, my massive production had seemed like such an unfair burden, what with the constant leaking, ever threatening clogged ducts and the need to pump for no reason other than to keep myself semi comfortable, for months on end. Now, I'm beyond in awe of this gift that I have to feed babies, and it is precious to me.
A lot of people have given us strange looks or weird questions
about the fact that Kirsten shares her breastmilk with my daughter. Truth is,
it is VERY strange. Yet hardly weird at all!
Since the beginning of time until manufactured formula was widely
used in the 1950s, women hired wet-nurses. If a mother could not nurse her
baby, she had two options: let her little one starve, or find a human cow. It
was never a weird thing to do and no one ever thought it to be gross. Knowing
this, I still have to remind myself every once in a while of how natural this
experience truly is. For example, when baby E’s little tummy can’t handle all
the milk she just drank, and she spits up all down my shirt. It’s definitely
gross to have formula or even your own breastmilk all over you, but your best
friend’s boob juice? Doesn’t seem as natural anymore, does it? And yet, I am
perfectly fine with milking a goat and drinking it right on the spot. Now I’m
sure Kirsten’s hygiene is much better than that goat! So, once I go through
this though logical process, I then become perfectly reminded of how normal
this really is.
A little background on me: I've gone my whole life assuming that I
would never have the opportunity to successfully breastfeed. Despite the fact
that the ladies in my family are well endowed, our ability to
produce a substantial amount of milk is, well, it's not so much of an ability.
My mother and sister were both unsuccessful, as well as several other women in my
family.
When Kirsten and I found out that we were both pregnant, on the
same day, due at the same time, we had talked about the possibility I would not
be able to breastfeed. Kirsten was having her second baby and knew that she
produced enough milk to easily feed two babies. We figured, if I was not
successful, maybe we could try feeding Baby E her milk. After all, it would
save my husband and me lot of money!
Knowing this, I still gave nursing my best shot! I did all the
tricks in the book: from pumping to fenugreek to clean eating. With all my best
efforts, I was averaging about 1 ounce per pump. During those 6 weeks, I was
supplementing with her milk, with hopes mine would flow right in. At the end of
those 6 weeks, I was exhausted emotionally and physically from the struggle of
establishing milk supply. I decided it was better for my mental health to
exclusively, accept the very generous donation of Kristen's breastmilk!
For me, this has been one of the greatest blessings I could ever
receive. This experience has helped me find peace with not being successful at
breastfeeding. I have come to understand that it is okay that my body does not
work the way it's "supposed to". Not all bodies work this way, and not
all breasts produce a mass amount of liquid gold! Most likely, the rest of my
children will be formula fed, so I now have a greater appreciation for the
invention of formula. We can feed our babies from a can! Good, wonderful,
healthy food that just happened to come in a can!! But for now, I’m beyond
thankful to be able to give baby E breastmilk, and have her get all the benefits
that come with it.
I have also gained a great appreciation for women like Kirsten, women
who have been blessed with this wonderful ability to produce milk, and her selflessness
to share it with my daughter. This is no easy task for her. Imagine producing a
half-gallon of milk a day, and having to pump and store half of that. She never
asks for anything in return. Kirsten has told me several times that she could
never charge someone for something that she her body just does, when there are
women who are not able to and would love to be able to do this themselves. I am
one of those women who wish I could do it myself, and am so appreciative I have
someone I trust, who is willing to do this for baby E.
Another benefit of this experience is how it has brought Kirsten
and me closer to each other. After all, she is feeding MY baby. I often wonder
if this is how women all throughout history felt towards their wet-nurses.
These women are heavens-sent to save our babies from starvation. Now days, I do
have other options, but it’s nice to feel connected to someone through that bond
that comes when you are accepting a gift such as this. I have developed a great
love for her as she has blessed our lives, and it has created a life-long
friendship between us. I am so grateful for all the time she takes to pump,
bag, freeze and wash all her pump parts, just so I can have something to feed
baby E. She is truly giving of herself to save another! I will forever be
grateful for her sacrifice.
Today Baby E is celebrating her six month birthday! This post is in honor of our beautiful six month old girls and the gift of breastfeeding we've both been given. We didn't write this post to be pro-breastfeeding or to shame those who use formula. We wrote this in the hopes that it will open a dialog to create a supportive community of women who break down walls of baby feeding shaming, and unconditionally support each other with no judgement, only encouragement. We celebrate all mothers and their struggles and triumphs in raising their children.
Here's another adorable photo of our girls, just for your enjoyment! Baby J on left and baby E on right :)
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